My thoughts on adoption. Nap time ramblings......

Rarely do I ever blog anymore, but this has been on my mind for quite a while now and I'm going to do my best to articulate what I want to say. I've never really been great with words, but I'm going to share anyways. Writing for therapeutic reasons is not typically a hobby of mine, but I do believe it helps. So here goes.....
As an adoptive parent, I get asked questions often. "What is it like to adopt?" "How did you decide what agency to use?" "What is the birth mom's story?" "How does the process work?" "How much does it cost?" I am a very open person and will answer any questions that I get, but that doesn't mean that some questions still catch me off guard, and might possibly even still offend me. Because I am an adoptive parent, I now have the knowledge and am put into a position where I can teach others what I know to better understand adoption.
The first topic on my mind is adoption terminology. I, Jodi, am Preslee's mom. Meladie, the woman who gave birth to her is Preslee's birth mom. When Preslee was first born it did not bother me (as much) when people asked me questions referring to her "mom" but now that Preslee is (almost) 2, it stings just a little. Just a few weeks ago somebody asked me, referring to Preslee's strong will, "What is Preslee's mom like? Does Preslee have her same personality traits? Don't get me wrong-we are eternally grateful for the sacrifice that Meladie made and she deserves credit too, but I am Preslee's mom. I have been for 2 years. I did not carry her in my tummy, nor did I endure the labor to bring her here on earth, but for the last 2 years I have done my best to raise her, nuture her and teach her.

Preslee was not given up for adoption. Preslee was placed for adoption. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, give up means: to desist from:abandon. In my opinion, adoption is the exact opposite. As the previous LDS church adoption program puts it-"Adoption: It's About Love". Any mother out there can imagine what placing a child for adoption may feel like. Each birth mom has their own personal reason, but the sole purpose is to give the child the life that they deserve. They have the child's interest in mind. When I became a mom and discovered the instant love for my child, I often cry at the decision that she chose to make. But she did it because Preslee deserves the life that she was put into. Does that mean that Meladie couldn't have given her a great life? NO, but that she wanted Preslee to have a mom and a dad, experiences that she possibly couldn't give her and much more.
Other comments that have been brought up to me is our relationship with Meladie. This one does not come up as often, but when it does it still weighs on my mind. Every adoption relationship is different. It is up the birth parents and adoptive parents to decide what will work best for them. Some birth moms don't want updates. Some birth parents aren't comfortable with as much contact as the birth parents want, etc. In the very beginning we were cautious with what information we shared until we formed a deeper relationship with her. We didn't know what boundaries we needed to set, if any. As time went on, we became more and more comfortable with sharing personal information with Meladie. Our current relationship is very casual. We communicate occasionally, visit in person, send pictures (note to self-*send pictures soon). Nothing formal, when something comes up-we address it. I have had comments recently from people that say maybe now is a good time to start pulling back from the relationship, or what are our "obligations", how long do we have to keep in contact with her?  Everything we do is by choice. We would not put Preslee in a position if we thought it was unhealthy for her. Why would I want to cut off ties? Why would I want to do that for Preslee? Or Meladie and her children? We talk to Preslee about Meladie. She has pictures of her half siblings hanging up in her room. Before we adopted, I often worried about "sharing" my child. I figured that I would want to keep the distant between us and a birth mom as far away as possible, but once I was put into the situation, my mind changed instantly. I get excited to show her off, give updates, talk about her.  Meladie has become a friend of mine. I think about her all the time. When we talk/text, our conversation is not always about Preslee. Adoption does not define Preslee, but it is a huge part of her (and our) lives. My hopes are that if we address it appropriately and talk to her about it often, she won't questions anything. We are prepared if she does, but for now we're just doing what we feel is right for all of us.

My intent for this post is not to offend anyone, but to educate people. Infertility is far more common than it used to be, and it seems that everyone knows at least one couple who have adopted or are trying to adopt. If this is the least that I can do, then I'm going to do it.
I am open to questions and conversation about adoption in general, or about our personal adoption story. Please don't feel that because of this post, you can't ask me questions. Again, it's not to offend anyone. If anything, it was more helpful for me to write it down, than it will be for anyone else.

Happily Ever After

We had the best time on our cruise! When we woke up on the last day of the cruise (Saturday April 27th) the ship had arrived back at Port Canaveral in Florida. We got our bags ready, went to breakfast and turned our cell phones back on. We had received a few texts and phone calls from our caseworker, Lisa. We had an appointment with her for our updated home study so we didn't think anything of the phone calls. I called her back immediately and then realized that it was 5am on a Saturday in Utah. About an hour later she called back. We had just got off the ship and were in the terminal waiting for our shuttle back to the hotel. She had asked me if I was with Kurt. When I told her yes she asked if I would put her on speaker phone. I told her that we were in a noisy terminal and she would be hard to hear. She told me that she really wanted me to put her on speaker phone. Begrudgingly, I did it. She then told us that she was glad we went on a cruise because we won't have the opportunity to do that in a while since we are going to parents soon. I couldn't believe it! We both sat there with the cell phone to our ears and cried while she told us more details. We were going to have a baby GIRL and she is due July 25th. That is 3 months away. Whoa!!! When we got off the phone-Kurt and I hugged and cried! I then realized that people were looking at us. But at the time I was in my own happy world and I didn't even care. So here we are receiving the best news in the world and we are stuck in Florida for one more day. I wanted to tell everyone immediately but with little information and haven't been in contact with our birth mom yet, we were cautious. We took the shuttle back to the hotel and I remember that I would tear up at every thought I had. We were finally getting a baby! It all seemed so unreal. Lisa had told us that our birth mom, Meladie, would be emailing us soon. I checked my phone every 20 minutes waiting for that email. We had so many questions. It was 10 days later that we received an email. That was a long 10 days. But after learning more about Meladie we understood her life more and how busy she is. She works full time and has 2 young kids. Her first email to us was so sweet! My favorite part of the email said this....."Thanks again for letting me pick you to raise this precious little spirit". Each time I read that I get goosebumps. I can't even imagine the courage that it takes to choose adoption. We feel so honored and blessed that she chose us. We would not be able to raise our family without women like Meladie. Amazing! Our first face to face meeting with her was on May 29th. Until that time we continued to email back and forth to get to know each other better. We were nervous for the face to face meeting, but felt that it went better than we could ever imagine. We felt a connection with Meladie and got to meet her brother, neices and nephews and her 2 kids that same day. Her kids are adorable. Big, beautiful brown eyes! So cute! Now that we are in the middle of June, we have been working on getting the baby's room ready. We are (mostly) ready. I think as ready as we're going to be. The changing table is set up, clothes washed, diaper bag packed for the road trip back home from the hopsital (about 3 hours) and bottles washed. We are ready! We have been waiting 5 long years and with the difficult journey with infertility, surgeries, disappointment every month with no pregnancy, sadness and many, many emotions we are finally going to bring our angel home! This is a very special experience for us and continue to pray that everything works out as planned. We are so grateful for Meladie and are very impressed with her. She is a very strong-willed, independent, easy going person. She has been very considerate of our feelings during this process and is easy to get along with. We are lucky to have such a wonderful birth mom.

Bahamas

We had the most amazing vacation! It was fabulous and beautiful. We had a great time.
Sorry for the long post. There are so many pictures that I want to share...but hard to choose which ones.

The first day on the ship. It was slightly overwhelming because it is so big. Plus I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. It was kind of a long, slow day but we had a ton of fun the rest of the days.

Kurt caught this awesome fish called a parrot fish. It looks so tropical. It was the biggest one caught on the boat.

 The sunsets and sunrises were absolutely amazing!!!!

This was one of my favorite pictures. It looks like a postcard. The water was so beautiful.

On this vacation we went bottom fishing, swam with dolphins, went snorkeling and hung out on the beautiful beaches. The cruise ship has amazing food (and you can eat whenever you want, including room service), fun shows and a lot of entertainment. This was our first cruise and I would highly recommend a cruise as a vacation. It was so relaxing and fun!




 

Home Sweet Home

It's been a while since I posted, but not much has been happening around here in this cold spring weather. Kurt has been working out of town and Jodi has been recovering from surgery and trying to take care of the house while Kurt has been gone.

Since we moved into our house 7 years ago we have been putting the hay for our horse in the garage. Because hay needs to stay dry, the garage was our best option at the time. Well time went by and we never did anything about it.....until now. Hay is very dusty and messy, therefore it sticks to our shoes, gets in my car and tracks into the house. We have an attached shed on the back of our garage and we are finally making renovations to the shed to store the hay so that it is protected from the weather. I could not be happier to get the hay out of the garage. Kurt has also built shelves into the garage to better organize our space. I love to organize! Kurt is so handy and had shelves built in a matter of hours. I love that about him. We also had a very large tree removed from the yard because the roots were taking over and causing problems. It was a huge tree and made a huge mess. I love spring because it gives me the motivation to make the yard look nice. The snow melts, the tulips and daffodils are starting to bloom and we begin to plant our garden. It has been a cold Spring, but before we know it it is going to be too hot to be outside.

We have 6 days until our cruise, but who's counting, right? :) I am very excited for 80+ degree weather, swimming on beautiful white sandy beaches and food, food, food!!!! It is going to be a great vacation and after several weeks (he was home on weekends) away from Kurt, it will be nice to spend some good, quality time with each other.

Baby Davis

My sister (who is also one of my best friends) had her first baby. He was born February 21st. He was 5 days late and made a wonderful welcome into the world. He is cute! We don't know where this red hair comes from, but it has to be in the family.......somewhere down the line.

 
















What a cute boy!!! He definitely looks like his daddy.

 

10 YEARS!!!

I can't believe that tomorrow Kurt and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. It really has gone by pretty fast; I guess that just goes to show how much fun we're having :) Not everything about marriage is sunshine and rainbows, but it's been a great journey to adjust to each other's life styles, work through problems and fall further and further in love with each other. Kurt is a wonderful person and I love him very much. I feel very lucky to be his wife!! Within the last 3 months we have 3 friends who have decided to divorce. It makes me very sad to think about the sadness and struggles that these friends (and their children) are having to endure. I have realized how very grateful I am for Kurt and for the relationship that we do have. Reading articles that state the negative affects of infertility on marriages is eye opening. Our infertility journey has only brought Kurt and I closer together and I am so grateful for that. Kurt is very understanding, patient and sensitive to the ups and downs of the emotions that infertility can cause. I could not have chosen a better husband to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. He is absolutely amazing!! Happy Anniversary Kurt!

Blessings

I got bad news from my doctor last week....another surgery for me. I have a cyst caused by my endometriosis on my ovary which has doubled in size since December. In order to "save" the ovary, surgery is necessary. This makes for #4. I was pretty upset when the doctor revealed the bad news, but have been overcome by so many blessings in the last few days. 1) I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and understanding. I could not ask for a better guy! I love him so much. 2) We have awesome family and friends who truly care about us and would do anything for us. 3) I'm grateful for modern medicine. Being that this is surgery #4 I know pretty much exactly what to expect. The surgeries are done laprascopically and only take 4-5 days to recover from. Aside from the incision pain, they aren't too bad. 5) I'm grateful for my health. Despite the struggles that I do have, it could definitely be worse. We have a friend who is going through chemo right now and I realized that my problems are minimal when looking at the grand scheme of things. 6) Kurt has a good job that offers awesome benefits. Comparative to others, our insurance is really good with small deductibles and co-pays. I'm blessed to have these little reminders in my life that bring me happiness and joy when I'm feeling down.